Dear daughter..

This post is dedicated to someone who is amazingly smart, who makes me laugh and feel so blessed to have her in my life. My daughter, my Little Ladyboss.

Dear Little Ladyboss,

Today you turned two. A very small number and also a very short time. But you are special, in just two years of your life, you have created such wonderful experiences in my life. Having a child is always a challenge for anyone, but for me, having a daughter is probably the biggest challenge in my life. As you know, I did not have a close relationship with your grandmother. We quarrelled almost all the time during my teenage years. She didn't know me, never tried to understand me and over the years, I shut my door for her. There was always a distance between us. Sometimes I feel like she was just an acquaintance I have known my whole life. Due to that reason, I was so petrified when I first received the news that I was pregnant with you, a girl. Not because I didn't want you but simply because I was afraid that you and I would become your grandmother and I. Lucky for both of us, we have an amazing man in our lives, your father. He was always telling me that we would have a different story, a much better one compared to mine. We would have a different relationship, unlike what I had with your grandmother because I am not my mother. I always let myself learn and evolve as a human. And my experiences had taught me to be a completely different mother. I promised myself that I will always be there for you, always give you the chance to explain yourself. I will respect you as a human being and I will try to understand your needs.

The first ten years of your life, will be easier and I won't worry much. But when you step into adolescence, that's when the real challenge begins. Your brain will reboot and reprogram itself, and this is nature, something that I won't be able to control. You will start to think differently, you will want to challenge yourself to try new things. Sometimes even the bad ones. You will be extremely tempted to try even though deep down in your subconscious, you know they're bad. You will have your own times with your friends outside the house and I will not be able to control what you do. You may start to challenge my authorities, start yelling and talking back at me or even call me names.  You may think that you are the most judged person in the world. You may even hate the whole world. You may experience different kinds of emotions, far weirder than you have experienced. These are actually normal phases in life that you have to go through. I really have no control over it. But I do hope that when the phase has passed, you will pull yourself together, learn from your experiences and be a stronger person. Therefore, whatever challenge the world is gonna give you, you will have no problem kicking it's ass!

Right now, as I'm writing this, I am still a very young mother. I do not have a lot of parenting experience myself, but I do read a lot, so I hope it helps. Maybe it's not the right time yet to give you any life advices but I just want to share what I've learnt so far.

1. BE GRATEFUL! Be thankful for your life, for the food, for the good health, for the air that you breathe. Be thankful for everyday because every new day is a new life. Be grateful for who and what you are, you are a very special individual.

2. NEVER EVER HATE THEY WAY YOU LOOK! No matter how small, big or short or tall you are, be grateful that you have a pair of legs, a pair or arms, a pair of eyes, a pair of ears, a nose, a mouth and organs that can function normally.

3. BRAINS OVER BEAUTY. It's nice to look pretty, I love to dress myself up too once in a while. But your beauty is not what keeps you alive. Beauty will fade as you grow older, but not your knowledges. Beauty will make people turn and look at you for a second, but your knowledges will make people fall in love with you forever. Beauty will probably get you a rich husband, but with knowledges, you can own a multi billion dollar company!

4. ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. If one day you happen to think that the world isn't fair. Do something about it, instead of just whining and complaining about how miserable your life is. If you dislike something, do something about it and not just bitch about it on social media. This is probably one of the hardest thing in life, even I am still constantly learning this one.

5. STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE. Don't let others dictate your life, you own your life! Just because someone tells you that you don't look good in pink, doesn't mean you don't. Wear what you want. Just because someone tells you that you are too tiny to be an athlete, doesn't mean that you are. Be anything you want to be! The most important thing is that you try! There will be "Debbie Downers" out there who will always give you negative inputs, trying to pull you down. SCREW THEM! They're not you! Only you can tell what's right and wrong because it's your life and your own experiences.

6. KEEP AN OPEN MIND. ALWAYS. Only through an open mind that you will be able to enjoy life. if you have a narrow mind, you will end up bitching about everything in your life, and you will only limit yourself to new things, now what's the fun in it? Seek out new experiences! Try new things, find new thrills in life! Go to a rave! Smoke some weed! Try those dancing pills! Have fun! Go bungee jumping! Go sky diving! Go see the eclipse! See the aurora! Sleep under the stars! Dive into the ocean! Learn parkour and jump over buildings! Kiss a stranger! Hug a homeless! So many things you can do! And if you keep an open mind, you will see others more positively. Why is that person so boastful? Maybe because he/she actually has a very low self esteem, it is his/her way to boost his/her insecurities. In that case you will stop disliking that person and sympathise him/her instead.

7. HAVE DIGNITY. DO NOT ever sell yourself for something that you can't afford. Your dignity is worth more than all the diamonds in the world! Don't ever for once use your pretty face to get something you want! If you want to have something that you can't afford, use your brains, find out how you can make enough money to own that thing. Any decent man, will love and respect you for your dignity and knowledges than your pretty face.

8. LOVE YOURSELF! When you love yourself, you will be a more confident person, you will know what decision to make. You will have self control and you will not be lost. Embrace what and who you are, then you will be able to spread good energy to people around you. And by doing so, you will definitely have great life!

These are all I can think of right now. Believe me, I am NOT writing this because I see myself as a perfect person who knows it all. These are just some of the things I've learnt so far and I, myself, am still trying and working my ass off to execute them. You will not have to follow them as you are entitled to your own opinions. And I'm sure you will be a far better person than I am. You will be so much smarter than me, I can tell that :) Even now, your father and I are always mesmerised by your intelligence. You always have something up your sleeve, never ran out of ideas, always manage to solve every obstacles you have. And you are only two! Oh my God! The things you can do with such a bright mind like that!

I will not ask to be your friend, because when you grow older, you will talk about some of your most personal matters to your friend, and I guess it will be awkward to talk to me, your mother. But I hope you see me as someone that you can count on, someone you can rely, someone who is always there to listen to your troubles, someone to give you a shoulder to cry on. Someone who is always there when you need a hug, someone who is always there to cook for you when you're hungry. Someone you can share your life stories and experiences with. I promise you, I will be there.

Happy birthday my little ladyboss, I can't wait for you to grow up and live your life! You are going to have an awesome life! I am very sure of that! And you're gonna grow up to be an amazing woman because you have me, your father and your brother to support and love you always :)

As proud as a (mama) peacock

Here in my post, I'm gonna boast about my son, like any other proud parents.

Warning:
This post is SERIOUSLY about how proud I am of my son. If you are easily bored or you are simply not interested, please do not even start reading.

My son, Little Boss, was extremely easy as a baby. Meaning, he wasn't fussy at all, he was really calm and amazing. Figuring out his cries were easy tasks. Up until now, he is still an amazingly nice boy (minus all the screaming, shouting and the times when he "abuses" his little sister). Talking to him, trying to make him understand the good and bad is pretty easy. He always remember what I told him (even though he neglected them sometimes), he is also always trying to make me happy. I remembered everyone who met him always wanted to cuddle him, he was such a cute little baby. And he was really easygoing, he didn't mind being passed around, being cuddled by different people, he seemed to enjoy them actually. I was so proud of my little baby boy. This is the kind of baby that my mother was always talking about - a calm, nice and no fuss baby who doesn't mind being carried or cuddled by everyone, even strangers. " 很大方 ", is the Mandarin word my mother would say. If you google translate that, you will get "very generous" as your result, which will make it sound so off topic. In this case, it means someone who is really easygoing, although "easygoing" would be "随和" in Mandarin. Why am I even explaining this?? Okay, moving on..

Anyway, I always thought that LB was like me, extremely easygoing and love meeting new people. But as he grew older, he became quite like his father, an introvert. A little socially awkward. He became nervous in front of strangers and didn't like large crowds even when they're my friends. It would take him quite a while to warm up to someone. It can be quite frustrating sometimes, because all he did was hide behind me or my husband. He wouldn't play with the other kids and cried when either one of us went out of sight.

Sometimes, I would have this image in my head:
We were attending a friend's party, when we arrived, as usual we would start approaching all of our friends. Obviously they would say hi to LB, and he would just hide behind me.
Me being a typical "emak emak cina Indo": "C'mon boy, say hi to auntie (while smiling awkwardly, trying to play it cool when in fact I was embarrassed by my son's behaviour)".
LB: "No!"
Me (trying hard to suppress my anger/embarrassment): "C'mon, say hi to auntie, good boy, be a good boy, see auntie has something for you, see, see, see, seeeeeeeee!!".
LB: "NO!"
Me (trying so hard to play it cool and act like I'm such an understanding mother): "Hahahaha, sorry, he's a little shy, maybe because he just woke up from his nap in the car..".
And when my friend left, THE MONSTER IS UNLEASHED!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: "You are so impolite, can't even say hi to auntie, what did mama always tell you? So embarrassing! Next time, forget about coming with me, I am not gonna take you out anymore!".
LB: start crying at the top of his lungs
Me: "OMG SO EMBARRASSING! Are you gonna keep quiet??? Hayo!! Hayo!!! Diem yah!!! MAMA PHAK YAH!!!" (sambil cubit cubit kecil)

*LAUGH OUT LOUD*

Can't imagine doing that to LB, he's gonna hate me for the rest of his life. But seriously, I'm sure everyone of us had been in that situation before. You were afraid that people might judge you as a bad parent for not teaching your kid manners just because he/she didn't wanna say hi to your friend. Or worse, this one I hate it so much ---> SHAKE HAND!
"Ayo dong, ayo dong, shake hand sama auntie dong..", boookk.. anjing keleus disuruh shake hand.
You know, just because your kid refused to do that, doesn't make you a bad parent! You can't really control your kid's nature, they were born with it. What you can do is to nurture them. I do admit that it is a little embarrassing sometimes, and I do wish LB is more easygoing. But I can't force him to change, all I can do is tell him what to do. I would ask him to try to at least reply when one of my friends greeted him. Or try to play with the other children and let mama or daddy talk to our friends for a while. And this is why I LOVE my son so much! He listened to my requests, and tried to do as I say the next time. He would still be very awkward though and tried to hide behind me, but he was willing to try, and that was what mattered most :)

Exactly one year ago, LB had an annual school performance which took place in one of the malls. He was supposed to dance on the stage with his classmates. I was soooooooo excited at that time, my son was gonna perform in front of the public for the first time! He was two and a half years old at that time. I imagined he was gonna be soooooo adorable dancing on the stage. Unfortunately, LB had a major stage fright, he just stood at the corner crying and biting his fingernails the whole performance, my poor baby :( When they were done, I immediately rushed to pick him up, cuddled him and told him how brave he was for not running away from the stage. He could've run off the stage like one of his classmates, but he stood in his position the whole time. And I was really proud of him for that! He was merely three years old, the stage must've looked like a giant field for him. He had to stand in front of all the strangers, performing! Must be extremely nerve wrecking for him. I wouldn't be able to pull it off (yeeeesss people, I have a stage fright! I am not as confident as I seemed! Ta-daaaa!!).

As I was beginning to accept that my son was a little socially awkward, he surprised me with a wonderful surprise this year. It was another annual school performance this year and LB was gonna perform on stage with his classmates again. They were gonna dance to the Hi-5 "Monster Dance" song. To be honest, I was a little skeptic that LB wasn't gonna cry. I kept telling myself however, to be positive, LB might surprise me. After all, he seemed to be enjoying his times in school lately, he was getting warmer to his classmates, I even caught him busy chit chatting with them when I picked him up sometimes. Before D-day, I kept supporting him by saying, "Darling, you're gonna be dancing on a stage with your classmates! Yay! Be brave and enjoy yourself on stage, ok! Mama and daddy will be right in front of the stage cheering for you!" On the day of his performance, not only did he dance along with his classmates, he won another prize for a dancing game! I was extremely in awe when he walked to the stage voluntarily for the game! I was really really a proud mama!!

After that, I learnt one thing from LB. Don't be too quick to judge someone, toddlers in particular. They are little humans with so much to learn, exploring new things everyday, every hour even every second. They are struggling to learn about every new emotions they encounter or experience. They cry and whine so much in front of us, their parents, simply because they feel comfortable with us. And they look up to us, they expect us to protect them because that's what they see in us, their protectors. They are constantly on the process of learning, progressing each day, evolving into wonderful humans. I should feel humbled and honoured to be given this chance to be a parent. I should be ashamed of myself for sometimes thinking that they are such troubles and wishing I can have more 'me time'. If not me and my husband, who else is gonna be there to answer all their questions? To make them feel safe. To guide them, to support them to do great things ahead :)

Growing up in a Cantonese dominant family, my mother was far from a gentle, soft spoken and lovey dovey mom. There was NO WAY I was gonna get my boo-boos kissed when I hurt myself like what I did to my kids (LUCKY SPOILT KIDS!!).

I remembered hurting my knees when I was five because I fell off the bicycle. It was pretty bad, blood kept flowing profusely out of my wound. And I still had to paddle my damn bike all the way home (I know you must be wondering what was a five year old playing outside the house all by herself? The point is, I am still very much alive now, aren't I?). My heart was beating loud like the speakers in the club *EEERBODY IN DA CLUB GET TIPSY! EEEERRBODY IN THE CLUB GET TIPSY*, the fear of being scolded by my mother was WAY bigger than the pain I felt on my wound (that was how frightening my mom was when she was angry). I quietly sneaked into the kitchen, climbed up the stairs and as I was about to reach my room (not really my room, as the youngest, I had to share the room with my sisters, I didn't have my own bed slept on a matrass on the floor) *Have you seeeeeeeenn my childhooooooddd - me singing in a super nasal voice a la Michael Jackson*, my mother came out of her room and the rest was history. That was the end of me, I died. This is Dewi's robot typing and telling everyone the story of her life. Naaah, I wished it was that simple. So my mom came out and saw my bleeding knees and her first word is, "MATI!!" (meaning DIE, my mother's favorite word, god knows why?). Maybe if my mother is Rachel Zoe, she would've said "I die" in a somewhat fashionable way. I started crying dramatically hoping she would take a pity on me and spare me the nags. Did it work? HAH! I WISHED! Not only I had to listen to her nag and yell, I had to endure one of the worst pain in my life (still, nothing compares to my 14 hours contraction during my first labor). She made me wash my wound and poured a bottle of Die Da Yao Jing on it. For those of you who aren't familiar with Die Da Yao Jing, BLESS YOU!!! I call it the antiseptic from Hell! Whoever created it, must've hated the world so much!

Anyway, that was just one example of how heartless my mother was! No, just kidding! Love you, mom! I guess that was her parenting style, that was what she knew - raise your kids to be tough. Which is not wrong, but it would be so much better if she could learn to understand me and my two elder sisters' personalities better. That way, she would've learn to apply different parenting skills on each of us rather than using just what she knew or what she heard was supposedly good back then.

I used to dislike my mother, I was the worst child, her biggest nightmare. Growing up all by myself in a another country, far away from home and family can be a blessing and also a curse at the same time. I was grateful that I was sent to Singapore for a better education since I was 6, I had the most wonderful school days there. But, I was so used to making my own decisions, so used to do everything my way that I became quite a bitch. At 7, I had to make my own Indomie Goreng when I was hungry, made my own bed, washed my undergarments (imagine a 7 years old washing her own panties, lucky I did not have any vaginal diseases, LOL, EWWWW!). That is why I cannot stand knowing or seeing people my age or worse, older than me, being such a brat! #SALAHFOKUS again. Okaaaayy back to your point, Dewi! Geeezz! Here we go, soooo, when I'm back home, I could never stand my mother, she was such a control freak! Everything I did was wrong and I have to do everything according to her ways. Everything had to be tidy and neat and clean, not even a single speck of dust (shiiiiiiiiiiieeeeetttt that sounds just like me! Turns out the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, no wonder I couldn't stand my mother, we are like two magnets with the same pole, we will always repel each other). So, the more she tried to control me, the more I rejected her, and things got bad. Like really bad. I'll spare you the details, so I don't look that bad and you will still think I'm nice. GUA KAN MUNAFIK! BANGET! I should change my blog to HypocriteHousewife instead of HystericHousewife.

Thankfully now, I learn to let go of all my anger towards my mom. Trying (HARD) to tolerate her naggings and to understand her personality. Still can't stand her sometimes, but I tried to see the positive sides of her. And to be honest, she's not that bad, I am actually grateful that she is my mom, she taught me to be a bad ass through her tough parenting. I can't imagine me being a spoil brat who can't do anything on my own. I rather die.

But, will I use her parenting methods? NO. In our times now, we are far more blessed than our parents, we have all the resources in the world. Google parenting methods on your laptop and you will see so many great articles, parenting apps, books and even magazines. We are able to read and learn from those, thus making us smarter. However, the most important thing (at least according to me) is to bond with your children, get to know them, learn about their different characters, apply different parenting technics on them.

Afterall, no two people are alike, even identical twins have different personalities. And if your friends have different parenting styles than yours, STOP BEING A JUDGEMENTAL BITCH! If you don't like what you see, don't see it, or if you just have to be that nosey bitch (like ME), at least just talk about it with your other friends or your partner. I truly understand the pleasure in talking bad or gossiping about other people, it makes us feel better! Like, sooooo good! BUT THERE IS NO NEED TO POST WHAT YOU SAW COMPLETE WITH YOUR COMMENTS ON A SOCIAL MEDIA.

I am NO parenting expert, my kids are brutal in their own adorable ways. So, if reading this post makes you think of me as a smart alec. Believe me, I'm not trying to be one. Just sharing my thoughts and typing whatever that pops out of my head. And if you feel offended when I mention the word spoil brat, well, hey maybe you are! You need to grow up and get out of your cocoon and I still can't stand you. So that's it for my bitchin' session today, see you on the next one!

I'm back!! After about three years of absence, I realized how much I love and enjoy bitchin' around, and since the world can be a very judgemental and bitter place, I shall confide to this dear blog of mine. But, people out there might be able to read what I bitch about, isn't that what worry me? Oh hell no! I'm not worry at all, after all, there is a part of me who is such an attention whore that she makes me sick sometimes.

Anywaaaay, three years! Wow! So many things happened in three years! I am now a mother of two! And I have like the most adorable babies! I'm beginning to sound like a typical mother or here where I live, we say, kaya emak emak yah cyiiiiinnnn! If I'm not mistaken, my last post was a picture of me six or seven months pregnant with my first child, trying to look supah stylish when in fact I looked like a sloppy walrus.

Some of you may remember this to be a "fashion" blog *I am throwing up a la Emily Rose in Exorcist out of disgust upon hearing myself*. Seriously, Dewi??? A fashion blog???!! Were you even that stylish?! For crying out loud *continues throwing up the Pepes Ikan my mom made for lunch*. My mom is here from Singapore and she cooks the best dishes! #SALAHFOKUS
Ok, back to our current topic. Me??? A fashion blogger??!! SERIOUSLY WHAT WAS I THINKING??!! I DO NOT have the time (most importantly money) to dress up in fancy new clothes every single day! I DO NOT #wakeuplikethis (imagine those so called celebgrams posing sassy in their red lipstick with that hashtag). I woke up every morning looking like crap! With a pair of puffy eyes, pale face and my signature megaloman aka super messy hair. Fashion blogger, much?? BAH!

Why would I even considered or tried? I guess I was THAT selfless! I wanted to be everything that looked or sounded WOW. GEEEEZZZ!!! GROW UP, WOMAN! HEEEYY!! I DID!!! Excuse my soliloquy, you will probably read a lot of it here in my blog. But, a BIG one like Kim K's but(t).. I gotta give myself a pat on the shoulder for the confidence I had! Confidence much or shameless much? You be the judge! I don't really care, as Tay Tay would say, haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate.

So, after three years, I think have finally know me better. Much better. I am definitely NOT a fashion blogger material. I can never afford the time to dress up pretty and pose for the camera everyday. There are more important things that I have to tend to. I'm definitely FAR from a stylish or a cool person, I am not girly but I do like makeups. I am a nerd who loves the geek stuffs. I love to cook, I love to (think that I can) bake, I love making bento for my family but most of all, I love to eat. I enjoyed going to IKEA or even Ace Hardware more than going to H&M. I am far from graceful or elegant, I talk the shit. I say whatever is going on in my head. But I have learnt that some people are so sensitive, they get offended so easily that they hated me for that. *Tay Tay playing in my head - haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate, I'm just gonna shake it off, off off, shake it off*. I am willing to change and be better only for myself and my children. Period.

So in this newly ressurected blog of mine, I will write about my daily bitchin', post some recipes maybe when I have the time and some other stuffs depending on my mood. For now, I will end my post for the day because I am starting to get nauseous as I am typing this blog on my cell phone. *Drake's Hotline Bling is ringin in my head - you used to call me on my cell phone.. Oh crap, I seriously wanna throw up*.