Warning:
This post is SERIOUSLY about how proud I am of my son. If you are easily bored or you are simply not interested, please do not even start reading.
My son, Little Boss, was extremely easy as a baby. Meaning, he wasn't fussy at all, he was really calm and amazing. Figuring out his cries were easy tasks. Up until now, he is still an amazingly nice boy (minus all the screaming, shouting and the times when he "abuses" his little sister). Talking to him, trying to make him understand the good and bad is pretty easy. He always remember what I told him (even though he neglected them sometimes), he is also always trying to make me happy. I remembered everyone who met him always wanted to cuddle him, he was such a cute little baby. And he was really easygoing, he didn't mind being passed around, being cuddled by different people, he seemed to enjoy them actually. I was so proud of my little baby boy. This is the kind of baby that my mother was always talking about - a calm, nice and no fuss baby who doesn't mind being carried or cuddled by everyone, even strangers. " 很大方 ", is the Mandarin word my mother would say. If you google translate that, you will get "very generous" as your result, which will make it sound so off topic. In this case, it means someone who is really easygoing, although "easygoing" would be "随和" in Mandarin. Why am I even explaining this?? Okay, moving on..
Anyway, I always thought that LB was like me, extremely easygoing and love meeting new people. But as he grew older, he became quite like his father, an introvert. A little socially awkward. He became nervous in front of strangers and didn't like large crowds even when they're my friends. It would take him quite a while to warm up to someone. It can be quite frustrating sometimes, because all he did was hide behind me or my husband. He wouldn't play with the other kids and cried when either one of us went out of sight.
Sometimes, I would have this image in my head:
We were attending a friend's party, when we arrived, as usual we would start approaching all of our friends. Obviously they would say hi to LB, and he would just hide behind me.
Me being a typical "emak emak cina Indo": "C'mon boy, say hi to auntie (while smiling awkwardly, trying to play it cool when in fact I was embarrassed by my son's behaviour)".
LB: "No!"
Me (trying hard to suppress my anger/embarrassment): "C'mon, say hi to auntie, good boy, be a good boy, see auntie has something for you, see, see, see, seeeeeeeee!!".
LB: "NO!"
Me (trying so hard to play it cool and act like I'm such an understanding mother): "Hahahaha, sorry, he's a little shy, maybe because he just woke up from his nap in the car..".
And when my friend left, THE MONSTER IS UNLEASHED!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: "You are so impolite, can't even say hi to auntie, what did mama always tell you? So embarrassing! Next time, forget about coming with me, I am not gonna take you out anymore!".
LB: start crying at the top of his lungs
Me: "OMG SO EMBARRASSING! Are you gonna keep quiet??? Hayo!! Hayo!!! Diem yah!!! MAMA PHAK YAH!!!" (sambil cubit cubit kecil)
*LAUGH OUT LOUD*
Can't imagine doing that to LB, he's gonna hate me for the rest of his life. But seriously, I'm sure everyone of us had been in that situation before. You were afraid that people might judge you as a bad parent for not teaching your kid manners just because he/she didn't wanna say hi to your friend. Or worse, this one I hate it so much ---> SHAKE HAND!
"Ayo dong, ayo dong, shake hand sama auntie dong..", boookk.. anjing keleus disuruh shake hand.
You know, just because your kid refused to do that, doesn't make you a bad parent! You can't really control your kid's nature, they were born with it. What you can do is to nurture them. I do admit that it is a little embarrassing sometimes, and I do wish LB is more easygoing. But I can't force him to change, all I can do is tell him what to do. I would ask him to try to at least reply when one of my friends greeted him. Or try to play with the other children and let mama or daddy talk to our friends for a while. And this is why I LOVE my son so much! He listened to my requests, and tried to do as I say the next time. He would still be very awkward though and tried to hide behind me, but he was willing to try, and that was what mattered most :)
Exactly one year ago, LB had an annual school performance which took place in one of the malls. He was supposed to dance on the stage with his classmates. I was soooooooo excited at that time, my son was gonna perform in front of the public for the first time! He was two and a half years old at that time. I imagined he was gonna be soooooo adorable dancing on the stage. Unfortunately, LB had a major stage fright, he just stood at the corner crying and biting his fingernails the whole performance, my poor baby :( When they were done, I immediately rushed to pick him up, cuddled him and told him how brave he was for not running away from the stage. He could've run off the stage like one of his classmates, but he stood in his position the whole time. And I was really proud of him for that! He was merely three years old, the stage must've looked like a giant field for him. He had to stand in front of all the strangers, performing! Must be extremely nerve wrecking for him. I wouldn't be able to pull it off (yeeeesss people, I have a stage fright! I am not as confident as I seemed! Ta-daaaa!!).
As I was beginning to accept that my son was a little socially awkward, he surprised me with a wonderful surprise this year. It was another annual school performance this year and LB was gonna perform on stage with his classmates again. They were gonna dance to the Hi-5 "Monster Dance" song. To be honest, I was a little skeptic that LB wasn't gonna cry. I kept telling myself however, to be positive, LB might surprise me. After all, he seemed to be enjoying his times in school lately, he was getting warmer to his classmates, I even caught him busy chit chatting with them when I picked him up sometimes. Before D-day, I kept supporting him by saying, "Darling, you're gonna be dancing on a stage with your classmates! Yay! Be brave and enjoy yourself on stage, ok! Mama and daddy will be right in front of the stage cheering for you!" On the day of his performance, not only did he dance along with his classmates, he won another prize for a dancing game! I was extremely in awe when he walked to the stage voluntarily for the game! I was really really a proud mama!!
After that, I learnt one thing from LB. Don't be too quick to judge someone, toddlers in particular. They are little humans with so much to learn, exploring new things everyday, every hour even every second. They are struggling to learn about every new emotions they encounter or experience. They cry and whine so much in front of us, their parents, simply because they feel comfortable with us. And they look up to us, they expect us to protect them because that's what they see in us, their protectors. They are constantly on the process of learning, progressing each day, evolving into wonderful humans. I should feel humbled and honoured to be given this chance to be a parent. I should be ashamed of myself for sometimes thinking that they are such troubles and wishing I can have more 'me time'. If not me and my husband, who else is gonna be there to answer all their questions? To make them feel safe. To guide them, to support them to do great things ahead :)
